Wednesday.

Good Morning! I found something out that was a bit comforting--it may sound odd, but to me it is comforting. I found out that my mother had, had 3 miscarriages--she had a miscarriage before each one of my sisters and before me---what is comforting about it, is she was able to have a successful birth after each. My mother having babies amazes me anyway--she was super tiny--she was 4' 11" and about 90 pounds--and I was a 9 pound baby...LOL. My mother is in heaven, and I know she is taking care of my babies. I had a miscarriage before having Tony, but it was by far not as painful as this--I was also just a few weeks not almost 3 months--it was still painful just the same but not as bad as this one--I really did not understand what was going on at that time--I do know now.

I had to stop at the store and get diapers and some Tylenol and I was walking through the store I was thinking --no one knows--no one knows ---I was so sad. I am not giving up though--but I am also not going to drive my hubby crazy either--I am not going to be a chore--I am going to love on my husband because I love him, and if God decides I am ready--then I will be so happy and if I don't have any more, I will be accepting of this and be so happy and grateful for the children I do have, but I won't lie and say that I don't wish I had more--I want more ---but I will be okay.

I have been resting and taking care of my baby--but to be honest, I don't like resting--I don't like just laying there or sitting there---today I am going to do some things that help me keep busy--like I have a few things in the kitchen I want to do--nothing I am doing is strenuous, just busy work to keep my mind busy--also, I enjoy reading your blogs and I have quite a few I need to go visit, some new ones too. Listen, I am sad---but I know what happened happened for a reason and that reason hopefully one day I will know---everything must go on, and I have a beautiful family to take of care--and trust me, my husband takes very good care of me--he would do all the work around here forever if I needed him too---but I enjoy homekeeping so please understand, it is therapeutic for me to do things I enjoy--but trust me, in the back of my head there is something very painful I am dealing with--and I thank you, each and everyone of you for the prayers and hugs and notes--(((Gentle Hugs)))

P.S. I know a lot of you want to know what KF is and who are all my friends from "KF" are It is short for "Kitchen Frugality"---It is a message board on AOL--and it is a wonderful board with wonderful people--::::Waiving::::