Tuesday, August 05, 2008

My Update

I am sitting here and I am going to try and put down in words what has been probably the worst if not most terrifying night of my life. I can't even explain how all your emails and comments comforted me through this time. Most of you did not know that my husband had gone to Georgia with Alexis for a week, so he was not here last night, but he will be here soon---I endured this pain alone. Have you ever heard a man cry--well it has got to be the most gut wrenching sound I have ever heard. Please forgive me I am not making any sense--but I want to get all this down while it is fresh in my memory--while it is a memory I would not like to have happened it is a memory that will never be forgotten by me. I have never in my whole life felt such pain that I felt last night. The bleeding started to get heavier as the day went on--and at about 7:30 p.m., cramping started--and it was progressively getting worse---they were like ten minutes apart and then by 1:00a.m. in the morning they peeked at the most pain I have ever felt--I literally thought at that very moment I may die---I tried to be as quiet as I could not to wake Tony or the baby--but of course I failed, and had to have Tony help me with the baby---the baby just wanted me to hold him and nurse, but the pain made me double over and I did what I could to comfort him but then I would have to go into the bathroom again--I even threw up a few times over the pain--at about 2:30--I called my sister and she came right over and took over the care of my baby---and at about 4:00 the pain had tapered off and I think I gave all I could give and no more--I could not believe all that came out of me--sorry to be so graphic. I am completely numb--it has not yet hit me emotionally yet--I don't think.----I am so very sad, I am heart broken---That is all for now----I just want to thank you all for the support, never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would have friends all over the world praying for me---thank you!!

24 comments:

Jackie said...

{{{Julieann}}}
You poor thing. It must have been very difficult not having Kevin with you. There really is no way to describe the pain of a miscarriage is there? I am glad that the physical pain is over for you and Kevin will be home to help you emotionally. It will take a while you are very strong.

DeNiece Barnes said...

I am with you in pray my sister, and yes it is a sad time in your life, and even through it may be hard to understand right now, God does not make any mistakes, I will continue to pray for your healing and for the Lord to heal your heart and if you ever want to just talk about it email me because i do know what you are going through, i have been in your place my dear friend and God is here with you guiding you through this terrible time. Peace be with you my friend.

Kelly said...

Julieann,

My prayers and my most loving thoughts are with you and your family. I have been through the loss of a child and know how deeply and how painfully it affects you. Please PLEASE don't hesitate to email if you need to talk. I am totally here. I am just so sorry. So, so, so sorry. Please know that my prayers will be unrelenting.

Kristina said...

I am crying with you right now, dear.....lifting you up in prayer. Cling to Him!

Gail said...

{{{{{{{{{{{JulieAnn}}}}}}}} You know I told you the truth,that you have people all over the place praying for you and keeping you clse in their hearts.I'm sorry Julieann.

Lisa@UnexpectedJourney said...

Can I give you a great big {{{{HUG}}}? I'm sorry you had to go through that without your loving husband. My prayers are with you right now.

Anonymous said...

I am so very sorry for your loss Julieann... Prayers of strength and healing to you and your family...

Shawn

Ronda said...

Oh my dearest Julieann,
I am so sorry for the loss of your little one. I can only imagine how much more difficult this is for you without ur darling hubby. Please know that you, kevin, and ALL of your children will be in my prayers. Having lost 6 children which are now in the loving care of our sweet Lord, I so completely know and understand what u are going through, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Sometime in the future please take comfort in knowing even though your little one is no longer with you here on earth. Just always remember God always has and always will care for your little one. When your arms ache to hold the one whom you have lost, know that God's arms are full with your little one in his care. My dear Julieann, my heart and prayers are yours at this time.
With all my Love and Prayers,
Ronda

Caroline said...

Oh JulieAnn- I am so sorry you were in so much physical and emotional pain. I am glad your sister was able to come over and help with little Kevin. Please know that you are still in our prayers along with your dear family.
(((Hugs and prayers)))
Caroline

Heather K said...

Julieann

I'm so sorry to hear about this. :(
And that you had to endure this alone. I pray for God's peace to just saturate you.
take care
hugs
Heather

deezie said...

Oh Julieann, I am so so sorry you had to go through that. I will just keep you in my prayers as well as the rest of your family. You know God has his arms around you right now!!! The physical pain is gone but the other pain may remain for quite some time. I will be praying that you will feel peace. God bless you Julieann
deezie

Jodi said...

Oh ((Sweetie)), I'm so sorry. Praying the Lord holds you and Kevin tenderly in the hollow of His hand while you pass through this storm.

Tracy said...

Julieann,

I too, remember my miscarriage being EXTREMELY painful. It is after all, labor. I'm so sorry that you are having to endure this trying time. You have been in my prayers all day, and will continue to be. I pray for Kevin, too. This is so hard on men. Everyone expects the woman to be upset, but they don't take the husband into consideration much of the time. Rest as much as you can.

shekinahhvac said...

Oh, my sister. I am praying for the Lords' peace over you and the family. And God's healing. I have been there, so I know the lonely feeling and the hurt. Just know that you are surrounded with many of us who embrace you spiritually and are praying!!!

Anonymous said...

Julianne-so sorry to learn of this sad ordeal. May Kevin join you soon and know that many are praying for your comfort and solace.
CTMOMto4

CONNIE'S THOUGHTS FROM THE HEART said...

Dear Julieann, my heart is broken for you. I have not the words to tell you the pain in my heart. Please be well quickly and may God be your comfort in this sad time. I wish I was there to hug you and do what ever I can for you but I am not so I am placing you in God's loving hands. I am so sorry. connie from Texas

Kelli said...

Dear Julieann,
I am so sorry and sad to hear this news. I'm glad your husband is there to comfort you and I pray that the Lord brings healing to your body and your heart. Praying for you, dear friend. ((((hugs))))
~Kelli

Kelli said...

Dear Julieann,
I am so sorry and sad to hear this news. I'm glad your husband is there to comfort you and I pray that the Lord brings healing to your body and your heart. Praying for you, dear friend. ((((hugs))))
~Kelli

Maria said...

JUlieanne.

I am so sorry you had to go through this with Kevin away. I'm sorry for both of your pain, as well as the physical pain you endured last night. I am glad you had your sister to come help you with Little Kevin. TAke tender care of yourself

Maria

Mrs. U said...

Oh Julieann!!!
I am sooo very sad for you!!! I will PRAY PRAY PRAY!!!!!!!

Hold tight to Jesus!!!!

His,
Mrs. U

Lori said...

Julieann,
I am so very sorry.
Sorry your husband wasn't there.
I am praying for you dear friend.
I hope you are doing a bit better now.

Sorry it took me awhile to comment. We are on vacation in Washington right now and haven't been home since last Friday.

Hugs, Lori
I just happened to check a few blogs tonight.

Catherine said...

Oh Julieann! It breaks my heart to read this. I am so sorry you had to go through this alone. It is one of the worst feelings in the world. I also went through the same thing a few years ago and my dh was also not able to be with me.
I'm sending lots of hugs and prayers your way.
I've been away on vacation with my family and just got back so that's why I'm just checking in with you. Please know that I am praying for you and your family right now.
(((Hugs)))
Catherine

Paula said...

Oh Julieann, am SO VERY SORRY to read this. My thoughts and prayers are with you--it is not a pleasant experience to go through...

Blessings,
Paula

Kathi said...

Julieann, This is so sad, and I am hurting with you. It must have been a terrifying night without your husband there. You are so precious. I will keep praying for your comfort and for you whole family. Hugs, Kathi